okay so i’ve been collecting ideas for text message starters for a while and i finally decided to make a list and provide it for the public! so these are not meant to be an ask meme, they’re meant as a masterlist of open text message starters but i guess it could go either way? you do you! please do not add these to masterlists of your own since i came up with most of them (some of them might be from tfln so if you google them and find that to be true feel free to do whatever you want with those!)

a lot of these are sexual in nature and or suggestive due to the muse i pulled most of them from but i intend to add to it from time to time so check back for updates! please like / reblog if you find it helpful ily all <3

• i’m dying to know who this is because whoever you are, your name is ‘worth it’ in my phone and i’m currently trying to decipher whether that’s because of something we did or if it’s a clever l'oreal joke?? 
• what the fuck did you do to me last night?i feel like i got hit by a bus! still don’t know if it’s like, in a good way or not. ur number was scrawled on my hand so i figure ur to blame 
• the next time you try to stiff me fifty bucks i’ll break both your legs. 
• u r an idiot and i hope you get possessed 
• ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo 
• my neck hurts. are you good at neck rubs?
  
• there are six bottles of vodka in my trunk and i don’t know why???
  
• COOKIE CALL. it’s like a booty call but for cookies. and the other way around. i’m offering them not asking for them.
  
• i’m praying this is the right number because otherwise i’m going to be super embarrassed. i think i left my sweater there like, three months ago or something??
  
• so i found this number on a piece of paper in my coat pocket, with no name on it. hello there, stranger i’ve probably met.
  
• I was looking through my contact list to see how many ppl on the list i’ve hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck buddy-ships, friends with benefits, and “i cant remember if i ever did shit with them” ships. you fell into that last category, feel free to refresh my memory
  
• and next time when you feel me up, do it right. assuming there even is a next time.
  
• oh, and for future reference, APPARENTLY, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
  
• so, i haven’t heard from you in a while. are you dead?? 
  
• my moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody marys! lol who am i kidding, what moral compass? i will do literally /anything/ after two bloody marys. mostly.
  
• i’ve literally texted everyone else in my phone so don’t even try to lie to me, i know i left my skirt at your house when we slept together or whatever
  
• why are you in my phone as 'friday night’? what happened friday night? do i want to know
  
• that’s disgusting. why would u even send that.
  
• If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
  
• I think I am morally bankrupt
  
• did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick? 
• v1 - did we do the sex. wait pretend i didn’t say that, that’s even worse.
• v2 - did we fuck? i mean do the sex. wait pretend i didn’t say that, that’s even worse… there go my chances of getting laid…
• it’s just a striptease! c’mon
• well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
  
• fuck you and all ur friends! wait. wrong # whoops??
  
• just let me suck your dick and be happy. let me have this.
  
• so is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
  
• i’m never getting on my knees for you again.
  
• im high as a kite. soooo high. pls come over
  
• i need to get laid so bad i could cry
  
• i don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
  
• i’m not cheap, but i am on special this week.
  
• nothing risque, nothing gained.
  
• when you find your balls you can come back over to my place and get your fucking wallet.
  
• there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don’t fuckin know how
  
• i sure hope you weren’t joking when you offered me that no strings attached sex, because i’m texting you to claim my prize. pay up.
  
• whatever you want, especially if it’s a blow job, the answer is no.